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I
wanted to take the time to say a few things that I think we all need to be reminded
of from time to time. Hopefully my thoughts may help some of you that are involved in
relationships over a distance.
Relationships over a distance can be wonderful things, but also have their own burdens
to bear. Eventually, it comes to a point where you have to make plans to come together,
and close the distance. No one wants to stay apart from their love forever :)
This alone can open a world of new burdens which can be added to the relationship.
Who should move? When? What needs to be done to accomplish it?.. etc..
If the relationship is one that spans two different countries, there can be fears about
leaving one's homeland, to go live in another culture. It is embarking into the unknown,
and the unknown is always man's greatest fear. There could be job concerns, new rules of
society/culture to learn, and some that one may need to unlearn, as they are not accepted
or understood in the new location. This can cause a bit of confusion, and
misunderstanding.
These things create a turbulent sea of emotions that, if you let them, can threaten what
you
love most. It is this situation that I am writing about, to try to remind those of you
going
through this type of scenario of a few things that are very important: things that can
maybe
help you to remember what it is you are sailing this sea for.
It is an easy mistake to let those feelings overwhelm you, and vent them towards your
loved one.
You get confused, and possibly frustrated at all that has to be done to accomplish a move.
Possibly you feel some resentment that you have to be the one to relocate. You get
frightened
of all the changes that you will have to go through. Well.. that is natural, and it is ok.
What is important is how we handle it. If you've never experienced things like that
before,
you can easily make mistakes, because you don't have the experience in handling the
situation,
the stresses, the fears, the frustrations, etc.
Well.. here are some important tips, for those of you in the process of moving to go be
with
your loved one:
~~
I think something that we all need to remember is to cherish that special someone we have.
It is easy to let oneself be overtaken by thoughts of the things you may be leaving and
what
you may miss, but do not forget all that you stand to gain. The important thing is the
love
you share with that person you are going to be with. It is very important to remember what
that love means, and to realize the importance of moving in order for that love to grow
further.
The new things that you will experience, the happiness you will have when you are able to
give
your loved one a hug at the end of a long day at work... they will more than make up for
any
thing you feel you have 'left behind'.
~~
Remember to be positive. This is extremely important, and can also be quite difficult at
times... especially if your move is taking alot of work and time to accomplish. However,
if you look for the positive in the situation, you will start to see those things, and
will feel better. Just remember, the person you are going to be moving closer to
can only offer so much support. Your positive attitude will greatly increase their own
interest and ability to give support. Besides, it isn't just about them giving support to
you. You each have to be willing to love, support, and be understanding of each other.
It starts with the positive attitude, motivation, and interest that you show to your
partner.
That supports them in supporting you.
~~
Talk to your love about things, in a sensitive, and open manner. If something is bothering
you, do not let it eat at you until it pours out like lava from a volcano. Lava burns, and
burns take time to heal. Not to mention it makes it hard to reach out to each other when
there are sore, red spots standing in the way. Think through what is bothering you, and
approach your lover with respect, and consideration when talking about it. Let them know
that you love them, and want to come be with them, but that you have some things you feel
you need to discuss so you will feel better. This will accomplish alot more than letting
your
confusion speak for you. When that happens, you say things you didn't even mean, which
will
only hurt and confuse your partner. Go figure.. you were confused, mixed up, and fearful,
and speaking as a reaction to that makes your partner wonder if you may give up, or they
may
feel rejected, etc. This also goes back to remaining positive. Try it, and you will see
that your fears and confusion will decrease.
~~
Remember not to give up. Remember what your love is worth. If it has carried you to the
point of moving, then it must be something special. It will not be easy, but may very well
be more than worth it to keep moving forward. Just think about what it will be like to be
able to sit and share a glass of wine by candlelight with your love after it is all taken
care of,
and you are finally together.
~~
I hope that helps some of you, as it has me.
I'd like to take this last bit to offer a dedication to the woman I love.
I was inexperienced in the things I just discussed above, and I made some mistakes of my
own.
I know the pain of what it is like to make those mistakes and hurt the one you love most.
Thankyou Geraldine for standing with me when times were hard, for holding on while I
learned
the lessons that taught me the things of which I wrote above.
You are a very special person, and I love and admire the strength within you.
I love you for the person you are... all of you: body, soul, spirit, and character.
I truly look forward to the day I can sit together with you in our home, share some wine,
and talk of how to fulfill our dreams together.
You are my greatest inspiration... my greatest love.
Thankyou for your love and devotion.
Always yours, my love,
Paul
Note from Geraldine:
Unfortunately things didn't seem to work out for Paul and me in spite of the above and the
hints and tips on this website. We have broken up, but I'm sure that I am speaking on
behalf of both of us in wishing you all the best with your long distance relationships!
Remember, that if the relationship isn't good to start with, and if it isn't based on
faithfulness, honesty and good communication, no amount of romantic hints and tips would
ever be able to save it. Long distance relationships are definitely possible. I have many
friends who have met online for example, living miles away from each other, and who have
now been married for many happy years. So please do not let the fact that it didn't work
between Paul and me put you off. |
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