The Unofficial British Royal Family Pages

Sunday 11 April 2004

The Diana Tapes

When Andrew Morton told the world that Diana was interviewed for his book Her True Story and that he had the tapes to prove it, I knew I’d get to hear them one day. It was inevitable. Ditto when I heard there were videotapes of her practicing speeches with a speech coach. And here we are. 

American network NBC aired snippets from both the audio and video tapes in March. As a HUGE follower of Diana for her entire public life, I had mixed feelings about it. The “super fan” couldn’t wait to see and hear new things after such a long drought following her death. But the mother in me couldn’t help but think of her children who are probably sick about it.  

That was always the problem with Diana – on the one hand, you honestly couldn’t get enough of the woman. When she was alive, I was hungry for the rare, candid pictures – often taken prior to her marriage or by the paparazzi hiding in a bush. She always looked her most real in those photographs. But then, as a Diana sympathizer, I always felt guilty about such an unhealthy interest in a person who was, after all, no different than the rest of us. I suppose that in my quest for the unguarded and ungroomed Diana, I was looking for proof of her humanity. And the formal pictures of her on engagements or official trips never showed me the real person I wanted to see. I wanted to see messy hair, grocery bags in hand, a yawn for heaven’s sake. In fact, it wasn’t until I saw her yawn on NBC’s program that I realized I never had.  

In the first show, it was good to hear her say the words I’d read verbatim in the updated edition of Her True Story published after her death. Hearing them and reading them were entirely different. I found the inflection I’d given her words often wasn’t accurate. And I didn’t read her laughter at certain parts. Sadly, at one point, she laughs when talking about how hideous her honeymoon was. She says, “I just had tremendous hope in me, which was slashed by day two” and then snorts with laughter at the absurdity of it. She also talks about being sick with bulimia and very tired on the royal yacht. She says, “I remember crying my heart out on my honeymoon I was so tired” and her friend James Colthurst replies, “For all the wrong reasons.” She starts to laugh and says, “For all the wrong reasons totally.”  

The videotapes were shown a week later and, in one of them, she’s asked why she does all of her charitable work. Tired from a full day of speech practice, she answers, “I’ve got nothing else to do!” and starts laughing hysterically. William is standing behind the camera and he says, “She’s awful. That was a recording!” and she playfully pulls herself back together. At one point, Harry giggles behind the camera and Diana says, “Harry shush!” When the boys show up to watch her speech practice and William asks, “Can I watch this?” she instantly puts on her “mother” face and with an exasperated sigh says, “If you come in here, you sit down and be quiet!” It’s the same face I give my boys all the time – the one that instantly communicates, “You cross me and you’re done.” It was just a totally natural moment between mother and sons. Even though I’d read and seen everything there is on Diana, this was radically different. She wasn’t perfect, she wasn‘t polished. In fact, she was tired and little irritated. “Normal” is the word that comes to mind. 

When I decided to write my column about NBC’s program, I figured I’d be writing that it’s unfair to judge Diana based on the tapes because she was going through such a hard time in her life. I thought I’d be writing that we all go through tough times and none of us would like to be remembered as we were then. But when I heard and saw the tapes, I changed my mind.  

Even though it’s become a “Diana clich�,” it was the first time it truly sank in that she was an ordinary person thrust into extraordinary circumstances. And, amazing to me, she was acutely aware of this herself. At one point on the audio tapes, she’s talking about what she enjoyed studying at school. She says, “History fascinated me – Tudors and Stuarts, did all that, adored that. But I never anticipated I’d end up in the books!” Again, her comment ends in hysterical laughter. 

For the first time there was no filter. No author, no journalist, just Diana for me to see for myself. In the end, I’m glad I saw her this way. In the end, I think that’s how she would like to be remembered.

- Stephanie