The Unofficial British Royal Family Pages

Monday 26 April 2004

Her Royal Highness, Moi?

There’s been a rash circulating around the royal houses of Europe… a rash of engagements and weddings that is. In particular, of crown princes to commoners. Denmark, Spain, Norway and the Netherlands – not to mention countries outside Europe, such as Japan – all have, or will soon have, women born as commoners for crown princesses. 

This is not significant simply because it is happening en masse. After all, the marriage of royalty to commoners is not an entirely new concept. While the European royal houses are relative newcomers in this regard, Britain has long been something of a pioneer. Anne Boleyn was a commoner – of high birth and ennobled in her own right by Henry VIII prior to their marriage – but a commoner nonetheless. Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother; Diana, Princess of Wales; Sarah, Duchess of York; and Sophie, Countess of Wessex, were all commoners prior to their marriages, although both the Queen Mother and Diana were aristocrats by birth.  

And many a British royal princess has married a commoner. Queen Victoria’s daughter Princess Louise was a trendsetter when she married the Marquis of Lorne, heir to the dukedom of Argyll, in 1871. Princess Mary, George V and Queen Mary’s only daughter, followed suit by marrying the 6^th Earl of Harewood in 1922. Of course, there was Princess Margaret’s marriage to Anthony Armstrong-Jones, who was created Earl of Snowdon by the Queen, not to mention Princess Anne’s two marriages to commoners. 

What makes this sudden trend of European princes and, in particular, crown princes, marrying commoners significant is that these women are true commoners, no different from you or me. Most of them don’t come from wealthy or influential families or have wealth or status in their own right. They’re not all great beauties, or even from the same country as their fianc�s. These soon-to-be crown princesses are largely middle class working women who have lived life, and not without incident. Between them, there are divorces, children, drugs, and familial skeletons in the closet – all pretty much the stuff that makes up the lives of us so-called normal people. 

All of this means that, technically, the odds of women like me marrying a prince have just increased exponentially. But the one question that keeps popping into my mind is… would I want to be in the shoes of these “lucky” women? First off, I will say this… if they are truly in love with their fianc�s, which I don’t doubt – then they are lucky women. But true love aside, do I envy their positions?  

On the one hand, I certainly envy the idea of living a life of luxury in beautiful palaces, eating the best food, drinking the best champagne, traveling first class to exotic places, wearing beautiful clothes and priceless historic jewels, having virtually every whim catered to, and otherwise receiving instant accommodation in all respects. All of these things are indeed my dream of the ideal life. And, historically speaking, the lives of these women will in many ways be far better than many of their predecessors – those true princesses who were married off, usually against their own wishes, to meet dynastic and/or political aims, and spent their lives in loveless, if not miserable, marriages, locked in a gilded cage. 

On the other hand, these modern “made” princesses, have their own challenges to face, none of which I envy. First and foremost in my mind is the kind of nightmare faced in its most extreme form by Diana, who could barely make a move that was not photographed or chronicled in some way. Positive attention from admiration is fine by me, but having pushy people constantly invading my privacy in the name of admiration is a fate worse than death. 

Similarly, the thought of virtually the entire world seeing and criticizing every aspect of my person and personality is not exactly an enticing one. Although I hope I am not as fashion-challenged and gauche as Sarah Ferguson was in her earlier days as Duchess of York, I still don’t relish the idea of every extra pound, bad haircut or poorly chosen outfit being scrutinized and ridiculed by not only the press, but also the public at large. Not even if it means being praised when I finally get it together as well as she has. Frankly, I am pretty well aware of most of my flaws – both physical and personal – and agonize over them enough that I don’t need others joining the party. 

To a one, these women are going to be held to much higher standards than they have been brought up to, not only in terms of beauty and fashion, but behavior and attitude. In general, the public will now expect them to instantly look, act and behave like princesses. Not an easy task even for the aristocratic women who have become princesses and queens throughout history, even though they often had the advantage of being brought up in the same circles as their spouses. Case in point: Diana, who literally grew up “next door” to the Windsors. 

For those women becoming princesses of a non-native country, this means they must also learn the language and customs of their new realm. As part of a cross-cultural relationship, I know from first-hand experience that although enriching and enjoyable at its best, this is not always a piece of cake. At least I do not have to make the adjustments in front of an expectant and critical public.  

These are the challenges to be faced only after going through what is, in my opinion, both the most delicate and brutal aspect of becoming a crown princess – facing the “requirements.”  There are the security and fertility checks, which are invasive and intimidating. Perhaps there’s a mandatory change of religion involved. Even the prospect of signing a pre-nuptial agreement stating that, in case of a divorce, I would be required to forfeit my rights to custody of my children. Of course, I have nothing to hide and wouldn’t anticipate a divorce, but these things are no less daunting nonetheless. 

When it comes down to it, the prospect of becoming a princess loses some of its luster for me when I consider it in regard to all of these things. Personally, it would have to be a case of pure and blinding love to make me want to enter into such an enterprise, even as enamored with royalty as I am. I admire these women greatly for the plunge they are about to take – they are very brave and, with internal strength, they will make the best of their new position with grace and honor. The smartest and best among them will find ways of making it a fulfilling and enriching experience for both themselves and their subjects. 

As for me, well, no crown princes are knocking at my door and there aren’t many left, but I will say this… my intended is a prince – a prince among men, and that’s royalty enough for me. (Although a tiara would be nice, too.)

Until next week,

- Tori Van Orden