The Unofficial British Royal Family Pages

Friday 27 August 2004

A Primer for the 21^st Century Princess

Well, the Jester has been somersaulting over the moon since Britain once again saw the light (350 years better late than never), and reinstated the office of official Court Jester. So now, you have the choice of being entertained with the antics of the successful Jester, or the words of your humble servant here. Congratulations Sir Jester, and may we both juggle long and prosper!            

The Japanese Chrysanthemum Court has reluctantly issued the sad news that the wife of their Crown Prince is suffering from a serious case of depression. This was apparently brought about by her failure to provide a male heir and her increasing inability to cope with the closeted life she married into. The recent marriages of the Princes of Denmark and Spain to commoners, although seemingly off to good starts, have similar requirements and pressures. So just what qualities, characteristics and talents will these ladies need to expand if they are to succeed as effective princesses, and eventually queens? 

In the case of Letizia, she has had to overcome the critics who consider a divorced Catholic for the wife of Don Felipe, the future King of Spain, not good form. Letizia is reported to be a strong, independent, responsible professional woman. But she will have to redirect those qualities into adapting herself to a lifestyle she has no previous experience of. It is she who will have to do most of the changing, learning and conforming.            

Mary of Denmark has a harder transformation to make. She has had to learn a whole new language, live in a different hemisphere, convert to a new religion, renounce her Tasmanian citizenship and go through a difficult immigration process to become a Danish citizen, all before she could marry her Frederik.            

Both of these romances were carried out in secret to avoid the European press getting wind of it and making life miserable for them. Their families as well will have a fresh change to make, as they will be co-grandparents with their royal in-laws. Both ladies are 31, so the pressures on them to start having children will soon mount. The local media will be looking for any little sign of this within months, and starting to fuss if none are forthcoming.            

Besides loving her man she may have to change her whole outlook and make some compromises that she might not agree with. That calls for a flexible attitude. We had the unfortunate example of Britain’s Diana when a new princess could not do this. Granted she really was too young and emotionally immature to marry any man when she did, much less one she was so much younger than and had so little in common with. She did not have the courage or strength to insist that her fiance’s affair with another man’s cheating wife must end completely or there would be no wedding. Then she got pregnant immediately and soon the two were faced with parenthood before they had a chance to get to know each other better. She wasn’t able to make the quick switch from wealthy socialite to wife of the future king with aplomb or dignity; these only came after she was in her 30’s and was trying to develop a place for herself in the world. She thought she had a whole new life ahead of her. Time was never on her side.              

So you’re a commoner marrying a prince, a new family, a new life and a country. What should a 21^st Century princess try to do to make your life workable? It’s a fine line you walk so just remember- 

Fidelity- the media are a fact of your life. They will always be there, looking for any tidbit they can turn into a full-blown scandal. Don’t provide any! Remain faithful to your husband, even though he may not be so much with you. It may be acceptable behaviour in his circle, and may not seem fair, but you should avoid sinking to that level. Cheating, manipulating and deception are not in the job description. Don’t give your critics any grounds for “I told you so”. 

Honesty-the public has invested in this marriage and wants very much for it to succeed. The Monarchy has always been a foundation for continuity and as long as people appreciate and respect the people on the throne, they will remain loyal. In the interests of transparency and accountability don’t keep secrets that will only come back to bite you. Like in Japan, if things are not going well, admit it. You will have the public’s sympathy, and people will try to help you. You will retain their respect because you had the courage to speak up.                                                                                                          

Look after yourself-you will be on public display so you owe it to yourself to maintain your health, physically and mentally. There will be many new things to learn like customs, protocol and titles, dealing with foreign affairs, acting as ambassador for your country, whether official or unofficial and attending social affairs that may not absolutely enthrall you. But as many people have put a great deal of effort into the event you are attending, you must act as if you are enjoying yourself and are completely engaged. Your life may be planned but stuff happens, and you must be ready to react and act decisively at any given moment. That takes strength and resiliency. 

Keep on learning-you will be the consort to your 21^st century King one day, and as such you will need to help him, guide him, support him, protect him (and your children), and watch his back. To do this you need to know what he knows, and it is your responsibility to keep up with your government’s actions and whatever he must deal with. Read, take online university courses, travel, talk to people and always try to get all sides of an issue in perspective. Don’t always depend on what you are told by courtiers and politicians-they have their own agendas. 

Always be an asset to him-as I said before, unless you can sustain strong support, respect, involvement and affection in your husband’s future subjects for yourself, there is no point. You are useless to him. If you have been untrustworthy in the past, you are every bit as capable of it now. If you have always put your own welfare ahead of the man you purport to love, even at the sacrifice of his personal reputation, then you will always put yourself first. If you have caused his family any unnecessary pain to further your own ends, then you do not deserve to be in his life at all. If, like death and taxes, people tolerate you because they are stuck with you, you’re a lost cause. 

Grace- whether under pressure, in public or private, in dealing with everyday matters or with delicate diplomatic nuances, always hold your head up high. Smile at your enemies. Teach your children to treat everyone with good manners and fairness. You must never be an embarrassment. 

Okay, so you need to be a bit of a paragon, but since this is the life you have freely chosen, you will be responsible for making sure you do the best you can for your prince and for everyone depending on you. You want to leave the Monarchy in better shape than you found it, don’t you? 

True, you may fail sometimes, but like any job, it is what you bring to it, and put into it, that 22^nd century history will judge your worth on.

Now, if you’re a commoner marrying a 21^st century princess, well…

Anon til we meet again!

- The Court Jester